PLAY ▶
SP
JUN 14 1993 4:27:00 PM

Has this ever
happened to you?

You fire regular buckshot at a jogger. He gets back up, brushes it off, and keeps on jogging.

NUCLEAR
BUCKSHOT

now with URANIUM-257

The shot you only need to use once!

AS SEEN ON TVWatch the commercial

NO SIGNAL The original tape is still in a box somewhere.

THE SHOOTING SCRIPT"Nuclear Buckshot" :30 Spot

NUCLEAR BUCKSHOT

EXT. BACKYARD – DAY

SETH stands in front of the camera, shotgun in hand. Behind him, CHRIS jogs across frame.

SETH

Has this ever happened to you?

Seth turns and fires at Chris. Chris drops. Then he gets up, brushes himself off, and keeps jogging like nothing happened.

SETH

(back to camera)

Well, now there's new Nuclear Buckshot, using Uranium-257.

A pause.

SETH

Look, here comes a jogger now.

Seth raises the gun. Chris stops, plants his feet and puffs out his chest. It bounced off last time.

SETH

Eat this, sucker!

BLAM.

CUT TO:

A nuclear explosion, borrowed from Terminator 2.

← best special effect we could afford

CUT TO BLACK.

SETH (V.O.)

Nuclear Buckshot. The shot you only need to use once!

FADE OUT.

DON'T TAKE OUR WORD FOR ITSee the difference

Regular buckshotNuclear Buckshot
Joggers stoppedBrieflyPermanently
Can be brushed offYesNo
Chest-puffing defenseEffectiveNot effective
Shots neededKeep tryingOne
Visible from spaceNoYes

NUCLEAR
BUCKSHOT

12 GA · U-257 · MAGNUM-ER

Rounds
1 (you won't need another)
Half-life
Shorter than the commercial
Range
Yes

ACT NOWWhat's in the box

  • One shell of genuine Uranium-257, an element so advanced scientists haven't discovered it yet
  • Works on joggers, power walkers and anyone who thinks it'll bounce off
  • Comes with a full-color nuclear explosion, lifted straight from a summer blockbuster
  • Batteries not included (the camcorder's died halfway through)

OPERATORS ARE STANDING BYCall now

1-800-NUKE-EM

Only three easy payments of $19.93

Click at your own risk. You only need to click once.

ROLL CREDITSThe cast

THE PITCHMAN
Seth
THE JOGGER
Chris
CAMERA
On a tripod, or whoever was around
SPECIAL EFFECTS
James Cameron (he doesn't know)